Ryan’s Hope: A Soap Opera About Paul Ryan’s Indecision

“There are houses full of sorority sisters on great campuses within the SEC who have less drama within them than Paul Ryan has as one man.”

Good grief, Paul Ryan is a one man soap opera.

First he doesn’t want it. Then he still doesn’t want it. Then he kinda, sorta, maybe wants it. Then he does not want it again. How many weeks into the saga of Ryan are we?

Now, if only they will hand him the laurel crown he will take the burden begrudgingly, but they must be unanimous, fawning, and accommodating to the Princeps Ryan, our Immortal Beloved.

Good grief.

There are houses full of sorority sisters on great campuses within the SEC who have less drama within them than Paul Ryan has as one man. Poop or get off the pot, will ya?

But on top of that, Ryan is coming in with a list of demands as if he’s a savior. This should be a big red flag to the House Freedom Caucus. They should be making the demands. Instead, Paul Ryan and his friends in the media are trying to make the House Freedom Caucus their pet chihuahua in a sorority colors tutu.

By next week, we will be watching Jim Jordan perform stupid pet tricks on the floor of the House of Representatives all because Paul Ryan demands unfailing loyalty, fealty, and unity as if he is the second coming of Julius Caesar. I think it is a terrible idea to put a man in the Speaker’s Chair who is behaving with the ego of Barack Obama and the demands of a Caesar.

And one more thing — Paul Ryan wants to talk about vision without laying one out. What the hell is his vision? Are Republicans in the House supposed to make him chair and then find out? What if they don’t like it. That Team Ryan treats vision as a buzzword suggests we will next be treated to words like “holistic”, “synergy”, and “disruptive innovation” without any of the speakers actually having a clue what they mean.

But by God, Paul Ryan is going to herd cats through hyperlocal innovation in a seamless rightshoring effort because we have reached a pain point post low hanging fruit processing and need to unpack and streamline the granular organic growth of the House of Representatives.

For those of you who think I’m joking about the corporate buzzwordiness of it all, Paul Ryan actually said, “If I become speaker, I want us to become the solution.” You cannot make this up.

I think I’d rather nominate one of the sorority sisters at the University of Georgia for Speaker. At least she’d be less of a drama queen and not nearly as high maintenance.

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Erick Erickson
By Erick Erickson

Erick Erickson

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