Why is it that the mind seems to dwell on the worst case scenario? It is hard to get around this situation with Christy. It’s almost a test of faith. I have high hopes and many prayers that the biopsy will come back tomorrow and be nothing at all. But my mind, in the solitude of the night and the stillness of today, turns to the darkest, emptiest thoughts. I’m scared I guess, though not so much.
I think, as I was telling God earlier, I feel lonely for the Lord — I just want Him to tell me its going to be okay and there is nothing wrong. You know He’s there. You know He’s listening. You know He knows. But sometimes there is an abstraction and you want the warm reality of his presence and you’re so focused on the worst case scenario you lose the ability, for a time, to feel His presence. And it makes a circle. And you become more lonely for Him.
It’s times like this you want the physical reality of the Lord. And you want your wife to not be sick and to not have the worst case scenario.
I guess when you are so worried about what might be it is hard to be still and know that He is God.