It’s something what a few days can do. The thought finally hit me that perhaps my biggest problem/worry/dread about my current job situation really had nothing to do with the job and everything to do with all the unknown.
So, today I made a list of the unknown. Job certainty was at the top of the list. Immediately following that was housing — frankly they were running neck and neck and housing bouncing back and forth to chief worry.
The job certainty unknown, I’m not really sure what happened, but it resolved itself. It dawned on me that the current employer took a real risk in moving forward with this project. They had a lot of people to look at. They chose me. They don’t want me to fail and they don’t want the project to fail. And by God they went through enough of a process to make sure they had the right person, I must be it.
I’m the first to admit that I’m my biggest critic and always have lots of self doubt. It’s like the time I took my property test in law school. The test was four hours. I was done in an hour and a half. I knew I had failed. Hell, everyone else knew I had failed. My first test in law school and I already flunked out. Even my professor knew I had failed. The next person out of the room left at the 3 hour 30 minute mark — two hours after me.
I made the second highest grade in the class — 94%.
The job certainty is not an unknown or an uncertainty. It’s good to work with and for a group of people who are enthused, motivated, and encouraging. We’re going to kick major butt.
The housing situation has, perhaps even more than the job situation, been the greatest single generator of stress in my life for the past month. Having thought about it over the past few days — even roaming the streets of Alexandria depressed over all the unknowns on Sunday — the housing situation was the biggest issue. Where to live and how to get from there to work has been ulcerating.
For two weeks I stayed at a good friend’s place. But, he had a dog and he and his roommate smoked. The two things I am most allergic to in life are dogs and smoke. And I don’t get the runny nose, watery eye reactions. I get the nose bleeds. Allergy shots alleviate the symptoms, but I haven’t been able to get an allergy shot because of some antibiotics I had to be on from Christy’s strep throat episode.
This week I’m staying with another friend on his couch. The situation can’t keep up. But, if I got a small place, it would be too small in July, but there was the year lease issue. If I got a big place now it would cost too much and that wouldn’t work.
See what I mean about stress and ulcers?! And I really don’t know too many people at work yet to really talk to anyone about any of this. That compounded the problem.
Situation resolved. A friend of a friend who himself is quickly becoming a friend needs a roommate. There’s no lease to sign. A bus rights right passed his front door to right past the front door of the office.
I’m a big believer in God. He’s my number one champion. It really is amazing to me how all of this stuff works out.
Now we’ve got three more days to really deliver a kick ass blog and we are going to deliver.
In my mind’s eye I have the vision of a site. It’s kind of overwhelming in that it’ll be me doing it. If I can deliver what I have in my head, I really don’t have anything to worry about. The performance anxiety is in my head, but it can and will be overcome.
This is going to be such an awesome adventure.