The Name Game

T

The Washington Post reminds us that, in addition to voting for Kerry, there are other signs that celebrities are not like us.

Congratulations, Julia Roberts, and you, too, Mr. Julia Roberts, on the birth of your twins, little Hazel and Phinnaeus. But our joy over your Blessed Event is tempered by a couple of questions. To wit:

Hazel? And, more important, Phinnaeus? . . . .

The list keeps growing. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis are the parents of Rumer Glenn, Scout LaRue and Tallulah Belle. Gwyneth Paltrow and Coldplay singer Chris Martin recently begat Apple. Sylvester Stallone sired Sage Moonblood and Sistine Rose. Courteney Cox Arquette and David Arquette are the proud parents of Coco. Singer Erykah Badu — herself on the celebrity all-name team — has a child named Puma. John Travolta and Kelly Preston named their boy Jett. Christie Brinkley’s youngest is a girl named Sailor. The late rock star Michael Hutchence named his daughter Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily. Long-ago rock star Bob Geldof calls daughter Fifi Trixabelle to dinner. Soccer star David Beckham and Victoria “Posh Spice” Adams’s brood includes Brooklyn, Romeo and a soon-to-be wee one who reportedly may be dubbed San Miguel. Supermodel Claudia Schiffer has a girl named Clementine, as does Cybill Shepherd. Rob Morrow, of “Northern Exposure” quasi-fame, dubbed his baby Tu, as in Tu Morrow.

We’d mention that Michael Jackson named one of his children Prince Michael, but this seems like the least Out There thing about Michael Jackson.

My dad is Swedish. I have his name, which was also my grandfather’s name. Of course I also have my mom’s dad’s name making my first name officially Erick-Woods with no middle name. My oldest sister is Liefje (pronounced: Leaf – ya). When we were growing up Liefje was a painfully shy child. The fact that no one could pronounce her name did not help. Rumor has it she surfs various websites (maybe this one?) under pseudonyms. If she ever signed on as Liefje, she’d probably be the only one outside Sweden.

At one point several years ago she called me. She said if I ever named my child something odd or that no one could pronounce she would fly down to Georgia and kick my butt. If you know my sister, you know she meant it.

So, if you want, fill up the Amazon tip jar and I’ll use the money to fly Liefje out to Hollywood where she can start kicking butt and changing names. It is bad enough that these celebrities will probably put their kids in the spotlight. To have them go out there and be named “Hiraani Tiger Lily” as well? There are going to be lots of deranged, suicidal kids in Hollywood.

About the author

Erick Erickson

3 comments

  • And they make fun of red-staters names:

    Billy Bob, Billy Jo, Jessie Mae, Tommy Ray

    I’m telling you it’s “blues” that are naming their youngins:

    Lexus, Nike, Apple, Disney, Armani

    And they say we’re MORONS and favor BIG BUSINESS.

  • There are more good name dictionaries available on the shelves of the American Swedish Institute– four, all in Swedish– than in English in all the other bookstores in Minneapolis. And that’s in a relatively well-read town.

    But is the rare Apple or Scout really any worse than the epidemic of Codys and Connors and Tylers and Madisons and Brittanys and so on? Really, when did they pass a law saying every kid’s name absolutely must be “cool”?

    “Liefje” is refreshing, to say the least.

By Erick Erickson

Erick Erickson

Get in touch

You can check me out across the series of tubes known as the internet.