[O]ut of 23 condoms tests, two of the three Planned Parenthood condoms rated lowest.

Maybe it is another scheme to promote abortion. Afterall, while Planned Parenthood is obstensibly an organization dedicated to “reproductive self-determination” as it says on its website, we know it is really an abortion advocacy group — dedicated to the murder of unborn and partially born innocents around the globe. It has taken what should be a good idea, “family planning,” and turned the idea into a euphemism for abortion after one night stands. Maybe Planned Parenthood has come up with a new way to increase the number of abortions through subversive means. I report, you decide.

The latest issue of Consumer Reports (“CR”) is out. CR tests and rates all sorts of services, goods, and equipment so cost concious consumers can make sound purchases. In its February 2005 issue, CR tests and rates condoms. Every guy who has ever come into contact with a hot feminist or broke fraternity brother knows that Planned Parenthood is one of the places to get free (or, in some cases, really, really cheap) condoms. When the moment hits and cash is low, Planned Parenthood has a ready supply of condoms available — the scented Honeydew, assorted colors, and the Lollipop condom — no, get out of the gutter, it’s packaged on a stick like a lollipop. Come on, out of the gutter.

According to CR, out of 23 condoms tests, two of the three Planned Parenthood condoms rated lowest. The Honeydew condom was dead last with the assorted colors right behind. Only the lollipop was listed above the bottom, at number 14. When the moment arrives and the condom rips, we can all rest soundly knowing Planned Parenthood, having participated in the conception will gladly participate in the abortion that would not have been necessary had Planned Parenthood distributed better condoms. Who knew “reproductive self-determination” meant Planned Parenthood had such a strong role in the matter.

Planned Parenthood’s condoms are usually free, or at a very low cost. Caveat Emptor.